Regrets: (hopefully) too few to mention
I’ve just finished reading Dan Pink’s Power of Regret, a fascinating case for why regret is a good thing, to be embraced, because it helps us be better people.
I wanted to read it in part to help me understand the role of anticipated regret, where we project forward and imagine how we will feel in the future having done something or not done something. It’s one of those things that’s uniquely human and, used wisely, is something of a superpower.
It can help us stop doing harm to ourselves and to others, face up to unpleasant tasks and push through fears.
When I was wobbling over whether to volunteer for redundancy, my coach Miffa asked me to imagine how I’d feel nine months later if I hadn’t made the move. “Regretful,” I said, “that I’d missed a massive opportunity”. “There’s your answer”, she said. I submitted my request for redundancy as soon as I got off the call.
That ability to project forward and imagine myself in an alternative future was enough to give me confidence in my decision and the impetus to choose change.
Dan Pink has amassed probably the world’s biggest data source on regret, having surveyed 19,000 people from across the world.
And his analysis shows that more people regret not having done something than having done something – twice as many in fact. In other words, inaction is a bigger driver of regret than action.
And regrets around careers were the fourth most common after regrets about family, partners and, just narrowly behind, education. Many of those concerning careers were about staying in jobs they didn’t enjoy or that didn’t serve them well:
Like “I regret not having the courage to be more bold earlier in my career and caring too much about what people thought of me”.
And “I regret following a career path for money instead of for my passion or one I would actually enjoy”.
According to a recent-ish survey, only 8% of people regret starting a new business. I’m surprised it’s that high, because most people I know believe it to bean enriching experience even if they went back to a job later on.
And that’s the funny thing about most of the choices we make: they are rarely irreversible or permanent. We can leave our corporate job to try our hand at something different and go back to a corporate job later on if we choose.
There may be a cost of course; some benefits we’ll need to forgo. And they might be significant. Like Katie Tucker’s final salary pension – before she left, she was shown what her pension would be when she was 65. It was supposed to make her reconsider. But pitted against holding out for more than 25 years AND missing the opportunity to build the new life she wanted, the pension lost out.
I’m not one of those “blow it all you might get run down by a bus tomorrow” types. I couldn’t leave my corporate job without a payoff; it was unthinkable given my financial responsibilities.
What I did though was get prepared. I moved roles inside the corporate to something where I could build new skills and identity - I began to detach. I built my confidence and belief in the value of my offer outside. And I developed some ideas of what I might do next. This is the Escape Plan method in my book and course.
Back then, I had an overwhelming sense of anticipated regret of how I would feel if I spent another 20 years in a job that constrained me from becoming the person I knew I could be: more self-reliant, more confident and much happier.
Ask yourself the question Miffa asked me, but maybe extend the time horizon to five years, or even ten: Picture yourself in the same job, how does it make you feel?
Here’s a quick poll:
If it’s B, that’s probably anticipated regret – and could be a sign that you should be preparing to exit.
But that doesn’t mean jack it all in now. It means prepare, get yourself ready, get the people around you ready, so when you jump to a new future, you maximise the chances that you’ll land safely and successfully.
I’m starting to add more tips and advice for people looking to leave their corporate jobs on Instagram. Please follow me there - I’d really like you to join me!
There’s a new podcast out next week, with Erica D’Eramo – a Diversity, Equity & Inclusion Coach who used to work offshore in Angola. You might be surprised to learn, that it wasn’t always a tolerant, inclusive or safe working environment – but Erica got prepared – and she had a pretty extreme way of anticipating risk...going down in a helicopter. I’m excited to share it with you.