Yoyo
This week I found out I got funding from Innovate UK. Enough to start building the Familiarize product. Yeah, it made me feel moderately happy deep inside.
Are you kidding? I was euphoric!
For a whole three minutes. Before a creeping dread descended over me.
Having no money meant I could have low expectations; I could go at my own pace. I could even do some consultancy and forget about Familiarize entirely. And if it failed, well, it was always just a side-hustle. A dream. Wasn’t it?
No, actually it wasn’t. It’s the main show; the reason I left bp.
And now I’ve got enough funding to get it going. To build the MVP anyway. To empty my head into product and finally have something tangible I can share with a client and say “this might help you”.
It’s amazing. And I feel incredibly grateful. It’s just…I’m worried.
My buddy has every line in the book to remind me why I am unqualified to receive this money, how I’ll inevitably spend it unwisely and I’ll waste this golden opportunity.
But I can, eventually, rationalise Self-Preservation away, and with a polite ‘thank you’ when no-one is listening, can get myself refocused. Because this is a massive opportunity for me – a way I can build my product, without cutting short the time when I don’t have to work for survival.
I still have to go through some due diligence, but all being well I’ll be able to start building in mid-September, and if I play it right, could string out the funding for six months or more. I’m thinking I might even try to hire a developer, rather than work with a freelancer, in exchange for some equity and a bit of salary.
That sparks off a whole load more worries for me, but it’s also pretty exciting – the idea of helping to create (a small amount of) wealth for someone else – and possibly help them find purpose.
So it’s great news. Just prompting weird, extreme reactions. I find this though, don’t you?
There is part of me writing this that thinks “Don’t write that, no-one else feels like it” but I know it must be true because I read enough small business/founder coaching stuff to know that this volatility is rife amongst business owners. Maybe it’s why founders experience disproportionately more mental health challenges than other mortals.
So I’ll just call it out. This never-satisfied, harsh-critic, push-push-push, "eating glass and staring into the abyss" is bloody exhausting – and not very helpful.
Here are some things that I am trying to do to reduce the volatility:
I have this book where I write down my stupid thoughts – just writing them down gets them out of my head; a day or two later I force myself to read them and (most times) I cringe.
I’m as committed to self-improvement as the next person, but I am learning to just accept that something is, without agonising over why and what I’ll do differently next time.
In less than 24 hours, three people said incredibly positive things about me, to me. Each time I batted them away. It’s actually quite rude - and why only listen to the critics? Don’t deny yourself a small bit of praise.
Talk to people you trust. One of my dear friends heard me panicking this week and said “I will have a standup with you every morning to hear what’s worrying you and work out what steps you need to take”. Can you find that friend who believes in you so much more than you seem to?
Take a break. Nothing creates perspective like space. Get away, walk, go on holiday, do something different. Life always looks better – and easier.
I am honestly over the moon and grateful for the funding and how it will help me build Familiarize so I can help more startups understand their customer.
And I am also worried about what getting funding means I have to do now.
Maybe the main difference between corporate life and business-building is that now we have to carry more seemingly incompatible ideas and emotions at the same time.
And the trick is just getting comfortable with that.
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**As part of the funding application I will create a panel of ten businesses to test and feedback on the product I’m going to build. In return I’ll give free customer discovery coaching for as long as it takes to any Corporate Escapologist reader using the Familiarize method. I will help you get customer traction!
If you – or a founder you know - are interested please drop me a line.