Networking
If you’re anything like me just the word ‘networking’ makes you shudder.
No one wants to be there. Well, that’s not true, some people really want to be there. You know the type.
I am definitely not the type.
Networking today
Today, the hotels have been replaced by Zoom, it’s BYO and you can disappear without even having to excuse yourself.
Or you can meet one on one. One of the benefits of lockdown is it’s low risk for two people looking ‘to network’ to have a call.
And for those who prefer anonymity, there’s LinkedIn, Facebook groups and an online community for every niche.
At bp
People have always told me I need to extend my network, even inside bp. Like joining the company glitterati is the only route to success.
It never worked for me.
I think because I have always been hung up about fairness, balancing Giving and Taking. And I always saw networking as Taking, not Giving. And that made me feel bad.
Post bp
And yet, I actually find it less daunting than I expected. Mainly because something has clicked in me: I have changed my mindset from seeing networking as Taking – and instead see it much more about Giving.
Maybe this only comes with experience – and my 25 year old version could never feel that confident in what he had to offer, as he did from what he was getting. So, there’s another benefit of age and experience.
But another critical step in my learning came when I worked with two entrepreneurs at Launchpad, John and Illai. They taught me that the startup ecosystem is fuelled by people giving first, paying it forward. It’s really not like that in a corporate; even a nice one like bp.
In the last week I’ve spoken to a dozen or more people with the simple goal of trying to help – if it leads to something fine - great in fact - but it’s not the sole objective.
How it feels
Not only does this approach chime much better on my fairness scales, but I am now genuinely looking forward to meeting new people. I surprise myself by how much more engaging and engaged I am, probably because I shift energy from thinking about myself to listening and helping the other person.
Here are a few ideas to shift how you view networking, if like me you’re a bit trapped in your thinking:
Get rid of the word ‘networking’: it’s loaded with all sorts of horrible stereotypes and, most importantly, it implies that the network is the end in itself, when it definitely is not.
Identify where you’re most relevant: the bad kind of networking events don’t work because they’re not the right places for you. Often they’re too generic, making small talk all the more difficult and any sense of connection elusive. Invest time in finding existing groups where you’ll fit, can contribute and where you can grow.
Think of meeting new people as opportunities to see if you can help: this has been the big shift for me. Who can resist a low risk, high upside opportunity – with a genuine, nice person looking to help?
Don’t be afraid of pushing yourself on LinkedIn: it’s the easiest place to find people who may share common interests. Pay the subscription, it’s worth it. But offer something more than another virtual friend when you cold contact – see if you can help. You’ll either be ignored or politely declined, because most people on the platform recognise it’s just a person trying to make their way.
Share your contacts: just like Metcalfe’s law, the value of the network increases with each node added. And this works for people too. The most valuable people in a network are those who have worked hard to build quality relationships with their networks (not quantity). Connecting your contacts is the most effective way to help those in your network – with the by-product of growing your own network.
I am unlikely to ever be the world’s best “networker” (another shudder-inducing term). I don’t want to be. Because the network is only one route to my objective of “a sustainable portfolio career”. But it’s an important route for sure.
Shifting how I feel about building a network was my only hope. It’s like I’ve unlocked a part of my brain that I had closed off through fear. Instead of provoking anxiety, I am simply seeing meeting people as an opportunity to help someone by sharing what I have learnt, creating a place where two heads can work better than one.
Have you got any tips to help people like us build our networks?
I love this post. Merely saying that you want to help often goes a long way already. The other thing that helps is finding things that you have in common, e.g. common connections. But it's often things people feel passionate about or associate good feelings with, like the football team they support or their favourite holiday destination. It takes some curiosity and attentiveness to find these commonalities, but with a little bit of practice it's not that hard.