Identity
It’s often just a single word that triggers a flood of disjointed thoughts that I try to make sense of in these blogs. I had four long car journeys at the weekend where I listened to Seth Godin’s The Practice. And the word that jumped out was ‘identity’:
The book is all about practising your trade as a way to find your purpose and your passion. It takes extraordinary commitment to do this – and stop doing everything else. But the results can be transformative. Not least in forming our identity. How we define ourselves.
I think the line stopped me in my tracks (not literally as I was driving at 70 mph on the A3) because I had spoken to one of you last week who had been made redundant and referred to herself as “unemployed”. That stopped me in my tracks too. I realised I’d never thought of myself as unemployed. Not once. And I didn’t think it was helpful she did either.
It’s ironically the opposite of what Seth says: Establish your identity by not doing your work.
But, redundancy challenges identity. I found this great quote in the Guardian from 2009 that might explain why:
I was never “Adam bp”, but looking back I often felt like it.
Identity theory
There’s a whole load of theory on identity. It’s far too cerebral for me (I tried) but I think there’s consensus that your ego – and how you feel about yourself - are tied up with how you define yourself.
I have struggled with the label Entrepreneur and even Founder. These are for other people: Elon Musk, Jack Ma, Del Boy. I had even (stupidly) begun to believe that Entrepreneurs were born not made. And that, so deeply ingrained was my corporate training, I might not have time left to undo it.
Can you control your identity?
As in most situations, it’s really hard to change in front of people you know. You’re defined in their minds and it can feel like they won’t allow you to assume a new identity.
I’m pretty sure I’d squirm in a call with a load of current bp staff if I was introduced as “Adam Forbes, an Entrepreneur”.
It’s easier to change in front of strangers
When I did some mentoring at Techstars I was introduced as an “expert in customer discovery and founder of his own startup Familiarize”…same thing happened the other week with Carbon 13. It was a bit weird I’ll admit. But bosh, I had a new identity. And nobody questioned it.
Identity is important – at making us unique, just as much as making us the same. It can mark a change. But it can also help us find community, a new tribe on the same mission. And if we’re a bit lukewarm or vague, we may neither move, nor find much support.
I had a call with one of you just this morning and discussed this: the risk that someone won’t hire you or buy your services because they’re confused how to describe you. Not because they don’t like you, but because you haven’t made it easy for them to talk about you.
So here’s a couple of things to think about when you’re undergoing this change in identity:
Use the opportunity of “identity theft” (maybe it was something you didn’t like anyway!) to think deeply about what you want your new identity to be. Are you looking for a new one associated with a new job, or are you seeking a more fundamental change. Are you looking for multiple identities you can switch on and off at different times?
Be careful what you tell yourself about yourself. Just as much for your inner critic as for those with whom you speak. Positive labels only. Never “unemployed” or “out of work”.
Define yourself by the work you do. An identity at the corporate name level was pretty lazy in hindsight. Now our identity is what we practise and master - read The Practice for more.
Experiment with different identities – there’s a lovely bit in Brene Brown’s first Ted Talk as she wrestles with how to be introduced at a conference. Makes me laugh every time.
Make the change in front of people you don’t know first. Get used to it before you come out in front of those who (think they) know you.
We need to take positive steps with our identity. Not be defined by the past “I’m ex-bp”, by others “She’s trying to be an entrepreneur” or in ways that make us feel inadequate “I’m unemployed”.
Last week I said I’d rediscovered my passion – and connected it back to my purpose. I’m once again fully committed to build Familiarize and take it to market over the next month. So, for me, I’m claiming that identity of Founder. It’s a critical part of my journey to success.
But Entrepreneur I might need to work up to.
On fire! X